I have had many friends in my life but the past few years I became really close to a few ladies that I absolutely adore and who I would do anything for.
When they are happy I am happy, when they want to beat someone up I want to as well, if they are sad I feel their devastation.
The past 12 months have been some of the most exciting, anxious and devastating times of my life (or so it seems) I gave birth to my sweet baby A, had to spend the first week of her life in the NICU, then I packed and unpacked my classroom what felt like 50 million times, learned that two of my closest friends were moving away and have started a new school year without them.
I know that they are on to bigger an better things and that soon their lives will be so much more amazing then they would have been if they had stayed in this small town with nowhere to go and discouragement all around but, I miss them every single day because I know we will never be together again.
I miss our Thursday night dinners and I miss that if I needed to vent while I was at work or cry because my hubby hurt my feelings or because I am sensitive and someone looked at me wrong in the hallway they were only a few doors away. Now they are an hour away.
But what I miss most right now is that one of my friends is hurting and I am not there to try and make her smile. The past few days I would think I am going to stop and buy B a sweet treat, maybe I'll pick her up breakfast or a coffee and then I quickly remind myself that I can't do those things anymore :(
If I were with my friend I would let her vent, tell her everything was going to be ok if that is what she wanted to hear, be mad at the world if that is what she needed or just be there to listen and give an encouraging smile when I passed her in the hallway.
I can't tell her how many times she has been my anchor when I just didn't know how to handle this working mom thing and I would tell her that when I am at school and lonely I always look at the note she gave me that says...
Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.
I care about you B! You are one of the best friends I ever had and even though we are miles apart know that I am thinking about you, praying for you and love you!
Thanks for being such a great friend and if you need me to I will drive to visit you in a heartbeat!
Can't wait till our next girls night!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Hi my name is Crystal...
I am anxious, a worrier, apprehensive about everything, terrified of meeting new people, a person who hates talking to strangers on the phone and the scariest of all... I'm a MOM!
You may be asking yourself why did this lady ever think it was a good idea to have children? I still ask myself that somedays,but the truth is having A was the best decision I ever made! It's actually helped. I can no longer avoid making doctor appointments because I hate to call the office to schedule an appointment ( what if I push the wrong number and get the wrong department and then they get upset they have to transfer my call or worse... Hang up on me??) if I do that now it's not me who suffers its my sweet baby A!
Long gone are the days when I avoided talking or making eye contact with strangers in the store (what if they think i smell, or that I need to learn how to wear matching clothes, or what if I accidentally offend them because I said the wrong thing or looked at them the wrong way). Because now I have a wild child who smiles or babbles at anyone forcing me to acknowledge their presence.
Every single day is a struggle and learning how to balance being a mom, teacher, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter and a friend is such a daunting task! I constantly feel like I am letting someone down and after a year I don't think I've made one ounce of progress!
At the end of the day however even though my house is a complete disaster and looks like it has not been cleaned in a year (has not been clean since I was nesting) I can't help but think I must be doing ok because I have a happy one year old, a husband who drives me crazy sometimes but truly loves me unconditionally and family and friends who I know are only a phone call away when I am truly not able to handle it on my own!
You may be asking yourself why did this lady ever think it was a good idea to have children? I still ask myself that somedays,but the truth is having A was the best decision I ever made! It's actually helped. I can no longer avoid making doctor appointments because I hate to call the office to schedule an appointment ( what if I push the wrong number and get the wrong department and then they get upset they have to transfer my call or worse... Hang up on me??) if I do that now it's not me who suffers its my sweet baby A!
Long gone are the days when I avoided talking or making eye contact with strangers in the store (what if they think i smell, or that I need to learn how to wear matching clothes, or what if I accidentally offend them because I said the wrong thing or looked at them the wrong way). Because now I have a wild child who smiles or babbles at anyone forcing me to acknowledge their presence.
Every single day is a struggle and learning how to balance being a mom, teacher, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter and a friend is such a daunting task! I constantly feel like I am letting someone down and after a year I don't think I've made one ounce of progress!
At the end of the day however even though my house is a complete disaster and looks like it has not been cleaned in a year (has not been clean since I was nesting) I can't help but think I must be doing ok because I have a happy one year old, a husband who drives me crazy sometimes but truly loves me unconditionally and family and friends who I know are only a phone call away when I am truly not able to handle it on my own!
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